The Pressures on the Senna

Kailen threw his circlet to the ground and screamed in frustration as it rolled beneath the bed. He stormed around his room and hurt his foot when he kicked a chair and it didn't give.

Tiernan sat wearily in a chair beside the door watching the seventeen-year-old Senna fuming in frustration. He sighed tiredly. Kailen had been in a mood for days it seemed. His trials were drawing near and Kailen was absolutely nervous about them and he expressed his fear by making himself utterly unbearable. Kailen threw another book across the room. "Kailen… please calm down. You're not helping matters any by screaming around your room like this. And you're giving me a headache." Tiernan massaged his temples.

Kailen wheeled on him suddenly. "I'll do what I want! It's not like I asked you to be here. These are MY quarters." Kailen said spitefully and turned away again.

Tiernan was taken aback by Kailen's harsh words. He frowned angrily at the young Senna but said nothing. Kailen was famous for his fits and normally given some time they'd calm down. Tiernan leaned back in his chair. This was going to be a long night. Tiernan was two years older than Kailen, though sometimes it felt like lifetimes. It suddenly irritated him extremely the way Kailen stood sulking in the corner watching him. "Well pardon me My Senna for disturbing you with my presence. You never seem to mind my presence in your bed, perhaps I overstep my bounds your highness." Tiernan knew it was a stupid thing to say almost before he'd said it, but he didn't take it back or look any kind of apology for it.

Kailen's jaw dropped. He clenched his fists. "How DARE you? How dare you say those things to me!" Kailen's eyes flashed fire. His beautiful face twisted with his anger. "You have NO idea what I go through! You don't know what it's like at all to have to be me! You couldn't possibly understand what it's like to be D'Jharrin, all that's expected of us. You'll never understand because you don't care how hard it is for me. You fit so perfectly into the perfect Karai Mishra, you've had it easy!"

Tiernan couldn't just sit back and ignore that much from Kailen. "I have no idea? I have no idea?!" He stood up and walked over to Kailen, deliberately towering over him. "Have you got no sense in your head at all? I've been living here, with you, for almost two years… and you have the audacity to say that I don't care? That I've got no idea? Do you think I'm stupid then? Just because I grew up in a little border town that I can't understand a refined person like you who grew up with every luxury imaginable? And as for having it easy… don't even start with that comparison. I grew up sometimes not knowing if we'd have enough food to eat the next day. I lived in a one room house and shared a bed with my sister until she left home to become Sei'ran. You've got no right to preach at me about having things easy."

Kailen started to try to say something but Tiernan interrupted him. "You know… I really don't want to hear your excuses. I'm really tired of having to placate you! You do this an awful lot Kailen, and I've got a lot of patience with you, because I love you. But you really should think about what you're saying before you just blurt it out! I might be Sei'ran and your Bel'lan as well… but you know those kinds of things can hurt me too. I'm not invulnerable to pain." Tiernan stood up angrily. "And right now… I'm sick and tired of listening to you scream and rant, and I'm done. Go find someone else to scream at, because I don't want to hear you anymore. I love you very much, but I really don't like you right now."

Kailen stood speechless as Tiernan collected his sword and cloak and walked out of the room slamming the door behind him. Kailen stood for a few moments and stared at the closed door, hearing Tiernan's words echoing in his ears. And then he sat down on the floor in the middle of his room and hunched his shoulders together and after a few moments he started shaking as he cried.

Tiernan went out to the stables. He felt ambivalent about having yelled at Kailen and stormed off the way he did. He knew that Kailen had an awfully hard time to live up to the expectations everyone had for him. Kailen had never been very good at combat, his sword masters were, more often than not, disgusted with his lack of inherent ability. And Tiernan knew that Kailen was worrying himself sick over his trials that would begin in two months time.

But there was only so much he could handle. It wasn't exactly easy being in love with Kailen. They had to keep it secret because they both knew that if the true nature of their relationship became known, a lot of heavy influence would be laid on them both to end the relationship. Being Kailen's Bel'lan made it easier for them to be together, since a Bel'lan was supposed to spend a lot of his or her time with the chosen Myrai.

This was Kailen's first relationship at all, and it was Tiernan's first serious one. Tiernan had passing fancies, and dated a few girls before he'd began his training as a Tai'sena, but nothing either of them had ever experienced was remotely like the connection they now shared. Tiernan, at first, had an extremely difficult time to make the adjustment from being almost constantly with other soldiers, rough and coarse and jovial, to the atmosphere of the Court in Sentyri, where the emphasis was always on propriety, and dignity, and self control.

Kailen almost always handled himself serenely well during court appearances and it was maddening to Tiernan that Kailen never seemed to understand just how hard it was for Tiernan to try to remember just how he ought to stand in the presence of a certain dignitary. Tiernan kept quiet about the trouble he often had.

But sometimes it just felt helpless, and the only thing that kept him going was thinking about the next time he could steal a few moments with Kailen.

Lately those moments had been getting more and more rare because Kailen was so often in a terrible mood and Tiernan felt bad that he tried to spend more time away when he could.

Like now. Tiernan found Chii'an, his salya, and sat down next to her, leaning back against her chest as she lay in the soft bed of fibers cultivated for them. She seemed to know that something was wrong and turned her head to nuzzle him gently. He smiled as she licked his face with her sandpaper tongue and curled her two tails around him. He stroked her soft fur. "At least you never rail at me."

Tiernan brushed Chii'an while he tried to get Kailen out of his mind. He hated to fight with Kailen, but sometimes it felt so unavoidable. He brushed and brushed until Chii'an's purring drowned out his thoughts almost completely. He almost didn't notice the storm when it began.

It didn't often rain in the Rei'maran, heat lightning wasn't uncommon, but it rained generally not more than once a year. But when it did finally rain, it poured down in torrents. Chii'an looked up suddenly towards the door and then waited for Tiernan to follow her gaze. Tiernan set the brush aside and then turned slowly to look as well.

Kailen stood just outside the doorway, still in the pouring rain, just looking at him. Kailen's clothing was soaked completely through to his skin and his hair was plastered to his back. He looked pathetic. Tiernan hurried over and pulled him inside. He grabbed a blanket from the shelf and hurried back over. "Kailen you're soaked completely. What were you thinking to go out in that?"

Kailen stood silently as Tiernan tried to warm him up, and then he started to cry and clung to Tiernan. Tiernan was startled and immediately pulled Kailen close to his chest. Kailen curled his finger's in Tiernan's shirt. "I'm sorry… I… I'm so sorry Tiernan. I… I didn't mean… I just don't think about what I'm saying and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said the things that I did, I didn't mean it. Please…" Kailen pressed his face into Tiernan's shoulder.

Tiernan held him close and put his arms around him. "Shhh… it's okay. Don't worry about it. I just lost my temper…"

Kailen shook his head. "But you were right, I should never have said those things. I don't think you're stupid, but I was treating you that way… and I'm sorry. You shouldn't forgive me… but I'll die if you don't." Kailen looked up at him.

Tiernan smiled and leaned down to kiss him. "I forgive you. No one's perfect. Not even the D'Jharrin." Tiernan rubbed Kailen's arms. "Now how about if we get you out of those wet clothes."

Kailen leaned against Tiernan. "But I don't have anything to change into."

Tiernan looked around. "Well you can't be comfortable in those wet clothes, I'll wrap you up in the blanket and once it stops raining I'll get you something dry."

Tiernan tucked Kailen's clothes away where they could dry, but not be noticed, the garments of the Senna were not easily mistaken and having him out here would raise some strange questions. Tiernan wrapped him up in a soft warm blanket and curled up with him beside Chii'an. Chii'an moved so her body sheltered them from view and Kailen relaxed against Tiernan and they talked late into the night until Kailen fell asleep. Chii'an kept everyone away from them both while they slept, as though guarding her own kits, and Tiernan woke with Kailen sleeping on his chest the next morning.